Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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