We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
