Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
