I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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