Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
not ubering you a puppy
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
