all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
