I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
