her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
40s are totally the cure
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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