He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
