that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
