He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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