guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
