I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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