And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
