I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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