I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
