well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
