so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
