Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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