Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
