Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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