Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
