i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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