I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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