dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's never too late to be topless.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
