We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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