We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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