Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
