He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
