i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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