I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
