I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
