I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
