things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
