thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
