mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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