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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent

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• (925): View more from California

  Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  He should be castrated

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?

  (1-647): View more from Ontario

  You are fucking her boyfriend.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.

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