I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
