I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
