I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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