I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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