1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
