How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
