Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
