My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
two words...techno handjob
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
