That's intense
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
