I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
