Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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