Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
