Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
